dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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