I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
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