Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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