marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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