he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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