shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
time to smoke my breakfast
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
