She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
