Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
