i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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