DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
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I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
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I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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