Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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