I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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