My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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