It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Found your dick twin last night
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
