You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
