Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
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