Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
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All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
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Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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