tell your sister to shave her snatch
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
