I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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