Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Randomize
