Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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