I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
