you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
