We named our party play list daddy issues
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
