I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
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I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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