I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
