im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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