I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
