Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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