Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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