Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
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