She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
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He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
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Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize