MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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