i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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