I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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