Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
