and you said cock pushups were impossible
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Randomize
