Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize
