he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
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