ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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