just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
