Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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