imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
