Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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