Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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