I don't think brook has ever known best
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
