I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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