The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
