I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Randomize
