Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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