The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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