I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
