After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
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I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
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I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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