My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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