it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Duck Duck Cougar?
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
