My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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