He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
