Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
